How to not murder your children

How to not murder your children

A great big thanks to all of you who visited my inaugural post, especially to those of you who forwarded it to others and reposted it on Facebook. Not only did it get 205 views (Yay!), your comments and messages made me feel great and made me realize how fun this is going to be. But enough of the love – lets get to the murder.

I wrote the first post nearly a week ago. Then I decided to just wait. Mommy mishaps happen to me daily and sometimes hourly so I figured I would just wait for one to happen and would have to rock, paper, scissors with myself to decide what super awesome mishap story to share. Then….NOTHING. My kids didn’t do anything weird with their pee, I didn’t get the kids loaded in the car and sit in the passenger seat instead of the drivers seat, nothing. My week couldn’t have been any more ordinary. Until today.

It was a beautiful day. A lazy Sunday morning where we stayed in our pjs until well after 10am followed by a fun mid-afternoon BBQ at the in-laws. But suddenly the toddler hit an annoying level of epic proportions.

Now, those of you who have raised a devil-in-training, ahem…toddler, already know all of this. But this post will be most helpful to my expecting and new Mommy friends who are staring lovingly at their growing belly or gorgeous newborn imagining running in the park holding hands with their child, watching them in their first school play or picking daisies from a field and putting them in your hair. These things may happen, and I promise you my kids do beautiful things all of the time. But I also promise you this. There will no doubt be a moment where you will want to murder your child. This is a guarantee. And that does not make you a bad parent or need to be committed, it just makes you human. Am I right parents?

So today as my toddler was doing everything she could think of to bother us as if she’d got a book called “Annoying Tricks for Dummies” and was trying it out, it led to a final crescendo of her trying to pet my boob while I nursed her baby sister. That’s when I hit my murder-point. Enough already!

So how did I not murder her?

The Mommy Mishap 2-step guide to not murdering your children

STEP ONE – Self medicate. Now I’m not suggesting actual medication, but medication of the booze variety. I know there are moms (and dads) out there that don’t drink. I’ve just never really met one. Ever. I read the cutest post last night from a very clever blogger about a term she coined “mojito muffs”. These are beer goggles for grown ups. You should really check it out at The Pursuit of Normal – Mojito Muffs. Basically the key here is that even one little cocktail after a hard day can make it all seem a little better.

STEP TWO – Just wait for them to do something freakin’ adorable. And this always happens. For me tonight it was when my daughter stood in front of us and sang a song loud and proud. Obnoxious, yes. But also completely adorable and it immediately made the stress go away.



11 responses »

  1. Hey there, just found you because you followed my blog! Welcome to the weird and wacky world of blogging, by the way! Do you mind if I quote you (with a link of course) on my Monday Quotes? “There will no doubt be a moment where you will want to murder your child.” Because I think we can all relate to that one!

  2. Found you through dirtyrottenparenting – Here’s another way ‘not to murder your child’: Put mommy in timeout – with bubbles in the tub. Glass of wine optional…or keep saying ‘only 6 more hours till bedtime, 6 more hours till bedtime’ LOL great post.

    • Thank you! I too am a BIG fan of the Mommy time out. Sometimes I’m a bit challenged because my husband is on the road so much but then I just take a mental mommy time out. LOL! I look forward to following you.

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