Monthly Archives: May 2013

Screeeeeeeeeeech!

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So this is the new sound at my house. It is at about 150 decibels, it is ear shattering and frays the nerves of everyone in our house. And it’s coming out of a tiny 16-pound baby.

I have raised 2 other little girls and I have never heard such a thing. Baby girl is 5 month old. She is a sweet-tempered, very easy baby. In fact she has been my dream baby. Then all of a sudden the screeeeeeeching started about 4 days ago. First we thought it was that she was really hungry (although she’s chubby enough she could probably live off of her own body fat for a week). Then we thought it was gas but when it continued after a few awesome poops we figured out that it wasn’t that.

And here’s the kicker, she doesn’t seem to be in that much distress. She can cry through the screech and then smile through the screech.

So, I spent an hour on google last night looking at the baby forums and who knew?!?!? This is a very common sound for babies to make at exactly 5 months as they are finding their voice and trying new sounds. Neither of my other girls did this so it is natural that I would think she was in distress. But I wanted to warn all of you new moms that if this happens to you don’t kill yourself trying to make your baby feel better. They are apparently fine and are actually having fun with the sound.

The Internet said to just enjoy the screech because it’ll be over before you know it. To which I say to the author of that site, “please email me your address, I will come into your bedroom and stick 20 mating cats in your bed while you are trying to sleep and see if you just enjoy the sound they make.”

I do feel better knowing this is a short phase. I am going to be spending my time talking to baby girl in goo’s and ga’s and mama’s and dada’s so she can see there are other fun sounds that are less likely to drive me to the nuthouse.

Did anyone else go through this with your kids and if so, how long did it last for you and do you have any advice? I am open to any and all suggestions.

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Photo: rollercoaster.ie

Talking Like a Toddler

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Talking Like a Toddler

I was out sweeping my front patio this morning and saw a gorgeous lizard. We live next to the open desert so he was big and bright and beautiful. I said out loud to him “Good morning Mr. Dragon.” Then I immediately wondered 3 things:

1. Why am I talking out loud to a lizard?
2. Why am I calling him a Dragon?
3. Why did I find the need to address him as Mister?

All of these can be easily explained…I have a toddler. She LOVES dragons. and the first time she saw a lizard on our street she screamed in delight knowing that baby dragons live near us. It’s quite adorable so I’ve never corrected her.

This made me think of all of the other things I say incorrectly in order to communicate with a 2-1/2 year old.

Like calling cereal “Kiempo”. As soon as she could talk she started calling cereal Kiempo. I have no idea why. What’s funny is instead of correcting her, on mornings where I serve her cereal for breakfast I actually ask “What kind of Kiempo do you want this morning?”

She also refers to Einstein Bagels as the “Oh My God”. Now this one is my fault. We live in the suburbs of phoenix and there are very few restaurant choices in the neighborhood. When I saw they were opening the Einstein’s last month I yelled, “Oh my god! Oh my god!” She remembered that and now when I want to go there I actually say “You want to go to oh my god for a bagel?”

These are just a few examples. I’ve realized that I pretty much talk like a lunatic all day long.

What strange toddler words have you incorporated into your everyday language? I would love to hear.

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Image credit: greglasley.net

“Debbie Does Disney”

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Ok, if you got my juvenile play on porn in the title of this post then you might be as dirty-minded as I am. If you didn’t, that’s ok, you can still benefit from the Public Service Announcement ahead.

For many years before I became a stay-at-home mom I was in marketing and I loved it. The curse of being in this field is that I notice things in any form of media that are just…not right. Like when a menu at a restaurant has a formatting error or a misspelled word. Or in a movie when a character walks in with their collar up and within seconds it cuts back to them and their collar is down. Or when you see a sign somewhere that was lazily done in comic sans (that one is for you Dougy Fresh).

Even though I don’t work outside the home anymore I still notice these things with great regularity. However, since I don’t get to eat out as much now, and can’t even remember the last movie I saw at the theater, my critical eye has turned to children’s media. Now, maybe I’m just starting to slowly lose my mind (which I assure you is highly likely) but I’m noticing the craziest things lately. I feel like imagery makes a huge impact on our children and I’m sure that people way smarter than I am have spent years proving that hypothesis. While our kids may not notice things the way I do (thank God!) I believe they are subliminally absorbing everything in their little environments. So let’s be careful Baby First, Sesame Street and Barbie.

My observations can be summed up in 3 categories:

1. THEY ARE TRYING TO ENTERTAIN PARENTS TOO MUCH
This one knocked my socks off. On Sesame Street they have a new segment called “True Mud”. Because nothing says education like mimicking a Rated R, blood-sucking, sexually charged, adult show. I’m a die-hard True Blood fan so I’m not knocking the show but I’m old and have earned the right to watch whatever the hell I want. And while I appreciate Sesame Street trying to entertain me, I don’t think my toddler needs to watch some dude go into a bar jonesing for mud to learn the words mud, spud & dud. I’m just saying. Check it out here.

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2. THEY ARE PUTTING ANIMATED CHARACTERS IN ODD SITUATIONS/POSITIONS
I often have BabyFirst TV on in the playroom. I like that channel and I know little ones, especially babies, aren’t supposed to be exposed to too much overstimulation but come on…if you don’t use it sometimes then you are a saint and you are better than me. Anyway, I walked into the playroom a while back and saw this little gem on the screen. The VoiceOver was in Spanish so I had no idea what the storyline was. And of course people, after closer observation I can see there is a sweet story there but it sure looked suspect to me at first. I actually said out loud, “Ummmm. Excuse me kitties.”

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3. THEY AREN’T CHOOSING THEIR OBJECTS AND WORDS CAREFULLY
While reading an innocent little Barbie book to my daughter I got to this page. There are so many things wrong with this page…so, many, things. I’m seriously wondering if when the illustrator was sitting down to draw this page he just did it to mess with me. The position of the metal rod, the end of it by Kelly’s face, “down, down, down”. Come on!!!!

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So there you go. I need to go do whatever the brain equivalent of washing my mouth out with soap is.

I Was Nominated For A Liebster Award

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I Was Nominated For A Liebster Award

I am super excited that my little blog was nominated for Liebster Award by one of my favorite bloggers, Lynette over at My Momism Moments. It’s like being a Freshman and finding out the coolest Senior likes you. Please, please check her out and follow her blog if you don’t already. Since I am very new to blogging I wasn’t even really that familiar with this fun blogger-to-blogger award but I am thrilled and honored that someone who reads my brain dumps thought to nominate me. The Liebster award is an award for blogs with less than 200 followers. My favorite part about how this award is set up is that once you get it you get to pay it forward and nominate your favorite 11 blogs. I had fun picking these. I’m not 100% confident that these blogs have under 200 followers but they truly are the ones that have entertained me, made me laugh, tear up, spit out my coffee, yell at my iPad and made me feel supported throughout my entry into this amazing online community.

The Rules:

1. Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog and link back to the blogger who presented this award to you.

2. Answer the 11 questions from the nominator, list 11 random facts about yourself and create 11 questions for your nominees.

3. Present the Liebster Blog Award to 11 blogs of 200 followers or less who you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been chosen. (No tag backs)

4. Copy and Paste the blog award on your blog

My answers to Momism’s questions:

What do you want to be when you grow up?
I would love to invent something that makes people’s lives easier. I always come up with wacky ideas and run them by my husband or my mom. My mom saw a psychic in the 80’s that told her I would invent something special so I’ve always had that in the back of my mind, as irrational as it is.

What was your favorite time with your bestie?
Any adult slumber parties we have had. We solve all of the world’s problems in one night. It’s better than 6 months of therapy.

What was an embarrassing/awkward moment that you laugh about now?
In college when I tripped over the door stop and slammed the door shut on the arm of a cute guy that I had a crush on. It was Biology and I immediately dropped the class.

If you were to win the $300 gazillion-dollar lottery, what would be the first 3 things you would do?
First I’d probably poop my pants, second I would go on a huge elaborate vacation with my entire family, and then I would go get a tummy tuck , lipo and Botox.

What sport do you watch? (Yes bowling and golf are sports – just ask ESPN)
My favorite thing to watch every year is the Kona Ironman Triathlon. I pretty much cry for 3 hours. It is amazing and inspiring.

Cat or Dog person? Definitely dog.

What is your special talent?
I love to paint with acrylics. Every couple of years I pick it up again and I really enjoy it.

What is your favorite holiday and why?
Christmas. I love how family comes together and the excitement on my children’s faces. And my husband gets even more excited than the kids so it is really fun to watch.

Can’t leave my house without __? My iPhone

Ketchup, mustard or ___? Ranch

If you were a super hero, what would your name be and what would your powers be?
Supersleeperwoman – I could fall asleep anywhere at any time and wake up whenever I wanted. Waiting in line at the bank? 3 minutes of sleep-BAM!

My 11 Random Facts:

– I was Anna in my 8th Grade performance of The King and I
– My husband is 3 years younger than I am so we joke that I’m a cougar, or at least a puma
– I love flautas A LOT
– I sing Amazing Grace to all of my babies but only when nobody else is around
– At 8 months pregnant I sang & danced around a movie theater with my 2 oldest daughters at the end of the Katy Perry movie
– I swear my toddler’s pee smells like uncooked Pillsbury crescent roll dough
– I am the world’s clutziest person. Walls are always moving in my house
– In some backasswards 18th century way I really wish I could’ve given my King a son
– I think Pledge smells heavenly, but I’m not crazy about dusting
– My favorite movie is a very naughty romcom that nobody else has ever seen called Fall
– I love awards

Nominees:

Here are my nominees for the award. If you have already received one of these well then great, your awesomeness has officially multiplied. If you have over 200 followers (I admit that I know a few of you do) well then oops…you still inspire me and deserve to get recognized. Or, you have earned the right to completely ignore me. Either way, I appreciate and honor you all.

1. Mom Times 4
2. Mommy Training Wheels
3. We Having Fun Yet
4. Embracing the Insanity
5. Long Live Go
6. Potroast Mom
7. The Leaking Boob
8. Sarah’s Brand New Chapter
9. Mummyshymz
10. Running With Rage
11. Dear silly girl

I hope you accept and pass on the award because it was a really hard/fun thing to do. If you do, here are the questions I’d like you to answer:

1. Do you “feel” your age or do you feel younger or older than your age?
2. What animal best represents your personality?
3. Who is your favorite living person?
4. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
5. Chocolate? Vanilla? Or strawberry?
6. What are you wearing right now?
7. If you were a product what would your tagline be?
8. What’s your favorite guilty pleasure TV show?
9. What distant land do you wish you could travel to?
10. How long does it take you to get ready to leave the house?
11. If you could live an entire day as another person, would you? And if yes, who?

Peanut Butter is Magical

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I am not exactly a “traditional” problem solver when it comes to the home front. When I have a Mommy Mishap and I need a solution it doesn’t just come to me naturally. I, out of pure necessity, rely very heavily on Google to solve my mishaps.

Today was an example of the powerful Internet. Our family is moving across the country in just a few short weeks and every day I’m doing something to get prepared for that move. Today I decided to tackle the nursery. A while back when my husband got really into wood working I asked him to make some wooden circles to hang on the nursery wall to match the pattern on the sheets. It looked adorable.

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I used what I thought was a fabulous little material called double sided foam tape to put them on the wall. Perfect! These little circles could survive the Apocalypse and more importantly they wouldn’t come down if the toddler decided to hang on them.

However, when I tried to pull them down today the residue left on the walls was god awful. It is stronger than cement, I swear.

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After realizing the traditional methods of removing goo weren’t going to work I headed to my dear friend Google. And you know what Google said to use? Peanut Butter!!! Maybe some of you smarter people out there already knew this but I sure didn’t. And I hope maybe one of you reading this will save this little trick in your arsenal. Peanut Butter works like magic! No joke.

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So there you go. My little Mommy Mishap handy trick for ya. Now I’m going to go eat some peanut butter because smelling it for a half hour made me want to lick the nursery walls.

A Daddy’s Love

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I’m normally not too crazy about posting too many personal pictures of my family publicly but after a day filled with so much about Mommy’s and our kids I was inspired to give a shout out to the most important person in my life, the father of my children, my amazing husband. There is no sweeter moment than seeing the man you love sharing love with your children. I have captured a few of these moments and I treasure them all.

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On the Great Day of Mother’s Day My True Loves Gave to Me

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To get an accurate picture of how my Mother’s Day went please sing this like the last verse of the TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS.

On the great day of Mother’s Day my true loves gave to me…..
Two loads of laundry
Watching Ice Age twice
A shower with a toddler
One giant blowout
Puke on my shoulder
Crying over cereal
Doing my own dishes
One dooooooookie on the floooooooor
Lots of hugs and kisses
One sweet hubby
Blessings all around
And a cocktail at four-thirty

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Photo: nowcom.wordpress.com

Dear Mom…

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Dear Mom,

Thank you for
…teaching me how to have a sense of humor
…taking me to church
…picking me up when I fell, and then picking me up when I didn’t learn my lesson and I fell again
…having patience with me during the teen years
…showing me that I didn’t need a man, but that I should want a man
…potty training Anna and teaching her how to ride a bike
…sitting up late at night drinking wine with me and solving all of the world’s problems
…allowing me to fail and praising me when I succeeded
…teaching me the value of a strong work ethic
…Phoenix Open 2002 (ha! Inside joke)
…my Buick Skyhawk
…my college education
…showing me that a mom can be a friend and still scare the crap out of their kids when they need to
…being my mom and my dad all at the same time
…loving me no matter what

Dear Dude on the Airplane, You Are More Annoying Than My Baby

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Dearest Dude,

I realize that as you walked on this airplane you noticed that the only seat left was behind a Mommy holding an infant.

I also realize that the first thought through your head was “oh crap, this baby is going to cry for 3-1/2 hours and annoy the hell out of me.” I could see it in your face as you looked at me, looked at the remaining seat, looked back around the plane, then looked back at me.

Well, dude, guess what? The joke’s on you. My baby was awesome. She slept for 2-1/2 hours. How about you?

Nope, you talked for over 2 hours LOUDLY to the point where a man 3 rows away had to tell you to quiet down.

Did you actually think those poor souls next to you cared that:
– you were working 16 hour days and decided to quit to pursue writing
– you sing Karaoke and Al Green is your go to artist
– you live in a make shift commune in a converted hotel
– your best friends are comedians so everyone thinks you are a comedian too
– you have friends in London so you go there all of the time

Trust me, nobody cares. They didn’t care. I didn’t care. My awesome sleeping baby didn’t care.

You are a person who gets off on the sound of their own voice but doesn’t get the hint when the person next to you puts their ear buds in that they would prefer you stop talking.

Oh, and by the way you are not just “one of those people who have a bass voice”. You are in fact one of those people who “just don’t shut up” and coming from someone who has lettered in talking a lot that must mean your talking is at an epic level.

So dude, learn to relax, read a book, watch a movie on your iPhone, or read freakin’ skymall 20 times. I don’t care.

But dear God please take a lesson from this adorable chubby baby on my lap and shut the hell up.

Thank you,
Mommy whose kid showed you up in 25D

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Photo: http://www.navyaircrew.com

The 12:49am Sleep Deprivation Realization

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I just realized something. It’s 12:49am and I just woke up. This isn’t your random run of the mill, middle of the night wake up though because I just went to sleep at 12:02am. (I know the time exactly because I remember looking at the clock on my iPad thinking, “Go to bed dummy” when trying to decide if I could watch just one more episode of “Episodes”).

Anyhoooo, as I lay here awake after my magnificent 47 minutes of slumber I realized something. I have pretty much slept in about one hour increments since 2009!

I got pregnant with the toddler in December 2009. So for 9 months I did not sleep longer than one hour because of the magnificent pregnancy pee’s. Followed by the baby arriving and becoming a milk cow every 5 minutes. Followed by my ribs being kicked and punched by my husband because my pregnancy-induced truck-driver snore didn’t go away as hoped. (I’ve heard it, he recorded it and it’s God awful). And just when the baby starts sleeping through the night? Bammmmmm! Preggers. So then we start all over with the pee, and the milking, and the snoring, and we even got to add in a pacifier falling out-induced wake up for this new one.

So basically, I haven’t slept in 4 years. You would think that this would buy me a hall pass for any cranky moments I have where I make no sense and get irrationally upset for no reason, or for backing up the car into the recycle bin, or for forgetting my kids names, or for never knowing where my keys are. But no, it’s just part of Mommyhood. It’s the dues we pay that we never realized our Moms had paid for us. And it’s the price of being able to wake up each and every day to all of their chubby cheeked smiles, get sweet kisses and watch them explore the world. It’s all totally worth it.

Now, with that realization, I’m going to shut my eyes, go back to sleep and hopefully have the most glorious hour of sleep I’ve ever had.

Photo credit: Clevelandleader.com