Monthly Archives: February 2014

The Cronut Is So Yesterday: 3 Food Combos I Just Invented. Lattodka Anyone?

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Have you all heard of the Cronut yet? Named by Time Magazine as one of the “Top 25 Inventions” of 2013, this croissant-doughnut hybrid was invented by a pastry chef in NYC. Apparently these little suckers are so sought after that they are being sold on the black market for $100 a piece! Isn’t that insane? It’s hard to believe that there are still food combinations that have yet to be dreamt up that could create such a demand but this guy did it and he is making a killing.

This made me start thinking of what culinary combinations my kids and I would invent if we were to combine our two favorite things to eat. I like to cloud my mind with trivial stuff like this instead of worrying about more bothersome things like how we’ll put four daughters through college and pay for four weddings.

So my friends, here are my three new food inventions:

Food Combo for a Toddler

THE PLAYDARGER
(Playdoh + iPhone charger)

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I know what it takes to make my toddler happy. I know that she would rather eat a tiny piece of Christmas tree tinsel that I somehow forgot to sweep up than a well-balanced, home-cooked meal. This knowledge lets me know with complete certainty that the dream culinary combination that I have invented for her would make her head explode with excitement. It is the creamy white deliciousness of a new iPhone charger coated with a bright crunchy shell of dried playdoh. Her two favorite things to stick in her mouth all at once. Yummy.

Food Combo for Mommy

THE ICED LATTODKA
(Latte + Vodka)

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The other day I shared a dirty little secret with only two people on the planet (you know who you are and now you know how much I love you.) But I’m sharing it with all of you here because I seem to have no shame, nor a proper blog filter. The other night after a particularly stressful day I drank a cocktail of vodka mixed with orange Pedialyte because I had nothing else in the house to mix it with. ((GASP!!)) So there you go. If only I had my dream combo here, a scrumptious iced vanilla latte magically mixed with top shelf vodka, I could have avoided my questionable mix. Now I know some of you might be saying “hey mama there is espresso flavored vodka already” but that is not what I want. My combination would taste exactly like an iced skinny vanilla latte but it would have the added underlying benefit of making me completely forget the trauma of just having to help my toddler get a poop out, that my 3-year-old was crying because she doesn’t have the exact cat game that she wants on her iPad and a preteen who at that very moment needed two homework assignments printed out on a printer that is apparently not working. Ahhhhh….the Lattodka.

Food Combo for Kids

THE FISHGAR
(Goldfish + Sugar)

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My sweet, beautiful little girl, if provided the opportunity and very detailed instructions, would mainline sugar. She wakes up thinking about sugar, spends her days planning and plotting for sugar, and her nights dreaming of sugar. So if I could guarantee that she wasn’t destined for diabetes I would provide her with the magical creation of sweet sugar-coated gold fish. We already own stock in Pepperidge Farms and we might as well add C&H to our investment portfolio.

I would love to hear what your combinations would be for the members of your family. Please share away.

Photo credits: fstoppers.com, etsy.com, blovelyevents.com

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Sesame Street Strikes Again – Because Little Kids LOVE Murderous Gangsters

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I have always loved Sesame Street. I truly believe that as a child the show helped me learn the alphabet, how to count and what a llama was, and it does the same for my own children. My kids don’t really watch it that often though. We are more likely to be watching Finding Nemo, Wreck it Ralph or Up at our house.

But this morning I turned it on for the little ones while they ate their pancakes and was once again shocked at a show that the writing team chose to mimic. This isn’t my first time being blown away by one of their episodes. For my previous rants on Sesame Street’s choices please see Debbie Does Disney and Sesame Street Strikes Again.

Today’s episode was “Birdwalk Empire” based on the uber-violent HBO gangster show “Boardwalk Empire”. Really? My husband and I watch this show and by my count 247 people were violently murdered this season alone (I’m making that up but it’s probably pretty close).

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The puppet version of the show featured Nucky Ducky & Mallard Capone going head-to-head at the boardwalk with Clucky Luciano and his gang to figure out who has the best bird walk. They ultimately decided to combine their walks in a compromise of song and dance. How beautiful.

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Well produced? Yes. Clever? Yes. I know Sesame Street has always used pop culture to keep lessons relevant. But I still feel slightly uncomfortable with such an innocent program choosing to commemorate the shows on TV that are based on murder, guns, sex and drugs. Seems a little dirty to me. Is it just me?

Watch Birdwalk Empire

MOMMY MISHAP ALERT! I blasted a picture of my kid on social media with an inappropriate word on it

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Usually my daily mishaps are fairly harmless. Like finding my toddler eating chocolate cake off of the kitchen floor and deciding to just let her go for it. Or spending hours running errands and then getting home and realizing I have a big blob of white puke on my shoulder. You know, those kind of things.

Every once in a while though I do a doozy of a mishap and this week was one of those times. As a stay-at-home mom and a self-professed iPhone addict there is not a moment that I don’t document through pictures and videos. So much so that my memory is full on my phone and my older kids actually demand a picture when doing something awesome.

This happened last week when my 3-year-old put on some orange hipster glasses and was posing on our deck while I snapped away. There were so many good shots that I did a cute pic collage and like every other annoying mother out there I blasted it everywhere: Facebook, Instagram, even an email to my grandmother.

Then a while later I got this text from an eagle eye friend of mine:

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When I read this I made a sound that I’ve never made before. It was kind of a combination of hysterical laughter and a gasp of horror. Can you imagine that sound?

And here is the guilty pic collage

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The word SEX is right above my sweet baby’s head! Nice work, mom. Of course I immediately thought how dare that app make such an adorable border and expect me to only use it for pic collages of people I want to, well…you know. And it’s so hidden! Or, am I blind to the word? All I saw was love, kiss, flowers & hearts.

Well, as with all aspects of parenthood I consider this a lesson learned. I need to be more careful when I post stuff about my kids. And by making this public I hope that you will do the same.

Assigning dollar values to my emotional wealth

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For many, many years I was blessed to have a position in the professional world that provided me with many rich experiences. I enjoyed first class flights, sitting in VIP tents at golf tournaments and private suites at sporting events, exploring cities I hadn’t yet been to, eating at fantastic restaurants, and pulling all nighters preparing for new business pitches. I’m not going to lie, it was really fun.

But here I sit…14 months into being a stay-at-home mom. Boy, my world has changed. I’ve traded tailored slacks for my husband’s pajama pants and don’t have a single regret.

I hear a lot of moms say “You just can’t put a price on the joys of motherhood” to which I say “Ummmm. Sure I can!” I used to somewhat frivolously spend money on lattes, pedis, clothes & yummy team lunches. And it’s funny how those things have been replaced by things far more valuable than I ever imagined.

I know someday I will have to go back to work again (Uggggggh!). For now though it is obvious to me after adding this all up that I am an emotional MILLIONAIRE!

Then: Starbucks morning lattes and scones
Now: Snuggling in bed every morning with my baby while she has her morning bottle – $275,320

Then: Lunches with co-workers
Now: Cutting sandwiches into tiny circles, squares and triangles and arranging tater tots into the letter “R” – $14,205

Then: Night out at happy hour with the girls
Now: Dancing around the living room with a toddler to “I’ve Got a Dream” from the movie Tangled – $52,975

Then: Mani/Pedis whenever the heck I felt like it, usually every other weekend
Now: Being the first one to hug my husband every night when he walks through the door – $97,200

Then: Dropping my sick child off at daycare when she is technically better but still not feeling 100%
Now: Resting, snuggling, watching movies, taking warm baths, eating good food and taking time to get better while being comforted by mommy and daddy every moment she is feeling yucky – $430,268

Then: Dry Cleaning everything I was too lazy to wash
Now: Wearing a daily uniform of pajama pants and t-shirts so I can use them to wipe something disgusting off my children if I need to and I’m comfortable enough to get on the floor and play airplane – $17,250

Then: Benihana once a week
Now: The joy I feel when I make a meal from scratch and my husband likes it so much he goes back for seconds – $15,590

Then: Drinking a glass of wine and watching the sunset with colleagues at the AT&T at Pebble Beach
Now: Not missing my daughter’s school music performance this year – $125,400

Then: New Years Eve on a rooftop in Vegas
Now: Counting down with my family and kissing my husband and kids at midnight under blazing fireworks in our suburban neighborhood – $25,678

So, what have YOU changed in your life and how is it contributing to YOUR emotional wealth?

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