Tag Archives: motherhood

Why I Yell: An Open Letter to My Children

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Why I Yell: An Open Letter to My Children

My dearest daughters,

Today I heard the way you were shouting at your baby sister for touching your Barbie and it sent chills down my spine. Not because such anger seemed to be coming out of such an adorable little creature. Nope. I felt shame because you were just mirroring what I do when I am upset with you.

I’ve seen you get angry before but today your words matched mine. Not pretty words. Not loving words. And for this I am truly sorry. While I secretly hope that you are all too young to remember my recent frustration and lack of control, I nevertheless feel awful that this perhaps gives you permission to also be frustrated and out of control.

I’m realistic enough to admit that this will likely not be the last time that I lose my mind. I just hope that the 95.3% of the time that I am a patient and calming force will be what you remember me for.

In the meantime, if you would like to help me out, my sweet girls, you are welcome to do so by doing the following:

  1. Stop standing on chairs. Cause and effect seems to be lost on you people. If it hurts when you hurl your lifeless body 4 feet onto the ground and land on your head, then hey…here’s a concept, maybe don’t do it again.
  2. Flush the damn toilet.
  3. Be kind to each other. You may not realize it now but that little pest sitting next to you will probably be holding your hair on your 21st birthday (I mean, let’s be honest…you have my DNA). And she will hold you while you cry the first time your heart is broken. And she will be the first person you want to call when you get a promotion. (Wait! You better call me. Then your sister will be the second person you call). Now that we got that straight, please just be kind to each other.
  4. Do what I say. And do it right when I say it. I realize if my own mother is reading this she is probably rolling her eyes but come on! I thought I had ordered those kids that were not going to make me repeat everything I said 437,240 times. It is extremely exhausting. And I’m starting to hate my own voice.
  5. Treat your Dad and I with respect. We made you. We own you. We can end you. Please just show us the respect that we deserve. I would think that the fact that we have actually shown you proof that the world opens up to every wish and possibility your little heart can dream of when you show us respect would result in said respect. You are super smart. You could totally play us if you wanted to but for some reason you don’t choose this route. I’m giving you a golden nugget of wisdom here.
  6. If you have to open 3 doors to get to me, I’m probably trying to get away from you. Perhaps just give me 15 seconds of peace.
  7. Don’t cry over food. Ever. You are putting too much importance on fruit snacks and goldfish. Save your emotions for things that matter.
  8. Please don’t use my toothbrush. I mean, I love the 4 sinus infections I get every year and all, but can I just have one thing that you don’t stick in your mouth?
  9. Appreciate your family. You are so lucky to have so many people who love you. Cherish it. Eat it up. Hug each other instead of bickering. Be thankful instead of jealous.

And with all of that said I want to tell each of you, I love you with all that I am. You kids are the light of my life. I promise that even if you don’t do each of the items above for me I will do my best to not lose my cool. Well, at least not as much.

Your loving Mom. Always and Forever.

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How “The Walking Dead” is exactly like my life as a mom

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1. All day, every day I have a bunch of groaning, hungry, dirty, drooling, insane creatures following me around and no matter how far I run they are always right there. Always.

2. If anyone – or anything – threatened to harm the people I love I would not have a single problem breaking off the head of a shovel and taking them down.

3. I could totally live for 6 months in the same pair of comfortable, ripped up jeans and a filthy tank top. No problem.

4. I’m always ridiculously hungry and searching for food.

5. One minute my world can be completely calm, happy and even gloriously peaceful and then not even 30 seconds later everyone is screaming, crying and running around like it’s the end of the world.

6. Sometimes I’m scared to open my children’s doors for fear of what might be behind it.

7. No matter how great I feel at the end of the day for having made it through the chaos that the universe threw my way, I get to go to bed knowing that tomorrow it all starts yet again.

8. I like going into other people’s houses and seeing what kind of stuff they have.

9. A full night’s sleep is a distant memory.

10. No matter what happens I can always find beauty in the madness.

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Sesame Street Strikes Again – Because Little Kids LOVE Murderous Gangsters

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I have always loved Sesame Street. I truly believe that as a child the show helped me learn the alphabet, how to count and what a llama was, and it does the same for my own children. My kids don’t really watch it that often though. We are more likely to be watching Finding Nemo, Wreck it Ralph or Up at our house.

But this morning I turned it on for the little ones while they ate their pancakes and was once again shocked at a show that the writing team chose to mimic. This isn’t my first time being blown away by one of their episodes. For my previous rants on Sesame Street’s choices please see Debbie Does Disney and Sesame Street Strikes Again.

Today’s episode was “Birdwalk Empire” based on the uber-violent HBO gangster show “Boardwalk Empire”. Really? My husband and I watch this show and by my count 247 people were violently murdered this season alone (I’m making that up but it’s probably pretty close).

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The puppet version of the show featured Nucky Ducky & Mallard Capone going head-to-head at the boardwalk with Clucky Luciano and his gang to figure out who has the best bird walk. They ultimately decided to combine their walks in a compromise of song and dance. How beautiful.

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Well produced? Yes. Clever? Yes. I know Sesame Street has always used pop culture to keep lessons relevant. But I still feel slightly uncomfortable with such an innocent program choosing to commemorate the shows on TV that are based on murder, guns, sex and drugs. Seems a little dirty to me. Is it just me?

Watch Birdwalk Empire

MOMMY MISHAP ALERT! I blasted a picture of my kid on social media with an inappropriate word on it

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Usually my daily mishaps are fairly harmless. Like finding my toddler eating chocolate cake off of the kitchen floor and deciding to just let her go for it. Or spending hours running errands and then getting home and realizing I have a big blob of white puke on my shoulder. You know, those kind of things.

Every once in a while though I do a doozy of a mishap and this week was one of those times. As a stay-at-home mom and a self-professed iPhone addict there is not a moment that I don’t document through pictures and videos. So much so that my memory is full on my phone and my older kids actually demand a picture when doing something awesome.

This happened last week when my 3-year-old put on some orange hipster glasses and was posing on our deck while I snapped away. There were so many good shots that I did a cute pic collage and like every other annoying mother out there I blasted it everywhere: Facebook, Instagram, even an email to my grandmother.

Then a while later I got this text from an eagle eye friend of mine:

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When I read this I made a sound that I’ve never made before. It was kind of a combination of hysterical laughter and a gasp of horror. Can you imagine that sound?

And here is the guilty pic collage

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The word SEX is right above my sweet baby’s head! Nice work, mom. Of course I immediately thought how dare that app make such an adorable border and expect me to only use it for pic collages of people I want to, well…you know. And it’s so hidden! Or, am I blind to the word? All I saw was love, kiss, flowers & hearts.

Well, as with all aspects of parenthood I consider this a lesson learned. I need to be more careful when I post stuff about my kids. And by making this public I hope that you will do the same.

Assigning dollar values to my emotional wealth

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For many, many years I was blessed to have a position in the professional world that provided me with many rich experiences. I enjoyed first class flights, sitting in VIP tents at golf tournaments and private suites at sporting events, exploring cities I hadn’t yet been to, eating at fantastic restaurants, and pulling all nighters preparing for new business pitches. I’m not going to lie, it was really fun.

But here I sit…14 months into being a stay-at-home mom. Boy, my world has changed. I’ve traded tailored slacks for my husband’s pajama pants and don’t have a single regret.

I hear a lot of moms say “You just can’t put a price on the joys of motherhood” to which I say “Ummmm. Sure I can!” I used to somewhat frivolously spend money on lattes, pedis, clothes & yummy team lunches. And it’s funny how those things have been replaced by things far more valuable than I ever imagined.

I know someday I will have to go back to work again (Uggggggh!). For now though it is obvious to me after adding this all up that I am an emotional MILLIONAIRE!

Then: Starbucks morning lattes and scones
Now: Snuggling in bed every morning with my baby while she has her morning bottle – $275,320

Then: Lunches with co-workers
Now: Cutting sandwiches into tiny circles, squares and triangles and arranging tater tots into the letter “R” – $14,205

Then: Night out at happy hour with the girls
Now: Dancing around the living room with a toddler to “I’ve Got a Dream” from the movie Tangled – $52,975

Then: Mani/Pedis whenever the heck I felt like it, usually every other weekend
Now: Being the first one to hug my husband every night when he walks through the door – $97,200

Then: Dropping my sick child off at daycare when she is technically better but still not feeling 100%
Now: Resting, snuggling, watching movies, taking warm baths, eating good food and taking time to get better while being comforted by mommy and daddy every moment she is feeling yucky – $430,268

Then: Dry Cleaning everything I was too lazy to wash
Now: Wearing a daily uniform of pajama pants and t-shirts so I can use them to wipe something disgusting off my children if I need to and I’m comfortable enough to get on the floor and play airplane – $17,250

Then: Benihana once a week
Now: The joy I feel when I make a meal from scratch and my husband likes it so much he goes back for seconds – $15,590

Then: Drinking a glass of wine and watching the sunset with colleagues at the AT&T at Pebble Beach
Now: Not missing my daughter’s school music performance this year – $125,400

Then: New Years Eve on a rooftop in Vegas
Now: Counting down with my family and kissing my husband and kids at midnight under blazing fireworks in our suburban neighborhood – $25,678

So, what have YOU changed in your life and how is it contributing to YOUR emotional wealth?

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What if I posted what I was really thinking on Facebook?

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What if I posted what I was really thinking on Facebook?

Do you want to know what kind of Facebook posts I enjoy reading the most? The raw, honest, often hilarious, self-deprecating ones where people are sharing real honest-to-goodness things that happen to them and are not embarrassed of what people might think or censoring themselves in any way.

I am probably the worst offender of the “typical Facebook” post. I post pictures of my adorable kids doing adorable things, I shout out when my husband brings me flowers, I tell funny stories about my day. Sometimes (in fact, most of the time) I actually think before pushing the share button “who gives a crap about this?”. But I send anyway because I can’t help myself. Maybe deep down it is my way of documenting my life. Or maybe I just think my life is so exciting that you all must immediately hear how awesome it is. Either way, my posts are, as are most of yours, really positive representations of what is not typically an entirely positive daily experience.

I love my life. I love the beauty in it. And I love the messiness of it. So why don’t I share everything with y’all? I promise I will not make this an everyday practice but wanted to make Wednesday, September 18th “authentic post” day and show you what I would be posting if I were to not censor myself. Things like this…..

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